Well it seems that after another few days of phone calls and legal consultations, he has decided to take the fight to her as it were. This apparently gives him hope that the law will reinforce its orders this time and hold her accountable for her contempt of the law. I know this is important to him ... clearing ones name and honour are always important, nevermind the chance to see his children,  so I can't nay say him and tell him not to do this.

I selfishly look at this and see a future with 2 children who are likely to fear or dislike me just because I know N will not like me ... I see having to deal with these damaged kids in a family setting, a distressing future. I work with special needs individuals, some who have been damaged by their 'loving' family - I know the challenges ahead of me.

I have to remind myself that the future comes with a cost and everyone comes with baggage ...

***

On another note ... I found this and liked it:

We've been talking a lot lately about which road to take ... keep the flag flying and end up bankrupt by trying to pay 2 lawyers, a spiteful wife and child psychologists to repair the damage done by said spiteful wife in hopes of seeing the children again - its been 3 years since the last visit (despite all efforts to the contrary); or swallow the bitter pill of never seeing the children again or the spiteful wife, and just file for a divorce and a future. I don't relish P the final decision he has to make.

I think walking away is the better choice, even though the heartache of giving up is going to be unbelievably bitter ...  could I do it? I don't know. N is so full if hatred that she has vowed to make him pay for as long as he lives, how do you contend with that? How do you raise your children with any semblence of normalcy when every hug or time-out is called into consideration .... how can you be a loving parent when someone is just waiting for you to make a mistake? Its gotta be so damn hard.

I despise women like her ... she wants nothing to do with P, but swears if he divorces her she'll take everything she can, including any future pensions & plans ... why? Her response in court is "because I can". I'll be honest and say outright ... I don't want her in my future. I don't want her greed and hatred taking my childs college fund. I don't want her spite to stand in the way of our future - at 40 years young, I've already gotten the boots from Life a time or two, I've been pushed down and walked on in Life and I think I've earned and deserve the chance to be happy.

I've wept more in the last couple of weeks then as many years ... I feel as though I am being scrubbed to the bone in every way. I want to push back.

Feeling physically unwell lately with headaches and dizziness. Some of it is seasonal - weather shifts can merit a low grade migraine that lasts for days, some of it is stress and I need more exercise. I want to try yoga and thai chi, I think these might do me a bit of good and its a transferable skill that I could use at work - teaching children how to take care of themselves is a good idea in my books.

Anyways, I gotta sleep
... keep smilin'

There are days when all you can do is hold firm and not give in ... not give in to the flailing child who has learned that hitting equals not having to meet the expectation applied to him, and someone who does not have the expressive language to tell me he is sad, mad or just tired. So yeah there are days when you simply are the rock in the storm, you get hammered but slowly, oh so slowly the rock steady determination remains. Despite the imagery of that kind of statement or its truth ... I am not a patient woman. A fast learner and able to acess a situation almost immediately and deal with it ... yes. Patiently wait for a child to exhaust herself on me... no. Today was a test of Wills, plain and simple. Yeah yeah, I'm the adult and its not supposed to get to there, but in reality ... human nature drives it there. My job is to give people the tools to succeed and realize their potentional, that means teaching them the how & why as well. I don't expect the children to obey unthinkingly, I expect them to ask and understand why certain behaviors are needful and why others are not. The real bottom line is that no matter what the state of ones birth is or who has raised you, I believe in positive potential - EVERYone makes a difference. I tell myself this sometimes when my own stress or exhaustion threatens to overwhelm me and it brings me back on track and keeps me standing when its needed most.

keep smilin' and bear in mind ...

I used to have a 'voice' that demanded pen & paper ... I once wrote about politics, religion, myself & others, I wrote poetry and stories of all kinds. But somewhere along the way Life has silenced me. When did this happen? When did the stories and the poetry fall away ... when did the internal bard fall silent? Its been 2 or 3 years since I wrote anything not related to Work or Craft, how did it become so encompassing? I find myself missing it and yet it seems so difficult to rediscover - even writing this blog is proving difficult. Who is it for anyways ... me? you?

Theres a running monologue in my head at any given time of the day, I'm constantly thinking about something. I used to joke that when it came to meditation there was no 'inner silence' for me because I never shut up.... inside or out! lol if you can't hear me its often because I'm thinking and talking with myself, then after I've had that go'round then I'll talk to anyone willing to listen! And yet ... its become a struggle to create the expression that feels like a rising tide within - a silent one at that. I'm struggling to reinvent myself, it is such a needful thing. One of the things I want back in my life is the prose and poetry that were so much a part of me for so long. I feel like something is missing. So I'm hoping that this blogging ... will help awaken the Muse that sleeps.

Lets see ... in honour of what once was and will once again be ...

In the mid-1960s, the attention of young people took a sudden

turn inwards. It was as if a light switch had turned on. They
suddenly awoke and said,

"Oh, yes, I remember now. The answers are to be found within."


The mid-1960s through the mid-1970s were times of inner
searching. The outside world came to be seen as
materially-obsessed and insincere. If there was meaning in
life, it was to be found within.



The spiritual revolution in human consciousness had begun.


In the United States, the 'Baby Boomer' generation refers to
people born between 1946 and 1962. Today, 'boomers' form
one-third of the U.S. population, 14% of which are metaphysical
believers and seekers. These leading-edge thinkers emphasize
inner spirituality and self-expansiveness. Their sense of self
is that of a real, inner self rather than an outwardly-focused,
ego type of self.


The true, inner self is found in silence. The inner self is
who you are. It is your soul. Your inner self is your personal
link to the universe and to its source, Infinite Being. It is
in this silence that you come to realize that everything in the
universe is one, that separation is actually an illusion. In
the light of this inner, soul connection, you also develop your
sense of unconditional love for all of life and all of
humanity.


Over the years, as the boomers grew into career-making,
home-making and raising families of their own, their attention
became focused upon the demands of the outside world. Their
spiritual awakening appeared to have been put on hold. Instead,
in reality, their spiritual awareness was building strength
while it waited to find expression in the outer world.


By the 1990s, boomers were seeking to express that
spirituality within their lives. In the period 1990-2003, for
example, 25% of British adults in the 30-59 age group
deliberately downshifted. This means that they made voluntary
choices to better their health and family lives, even though
such choices meant earning less money.



The 1990s saw the holistic lifestyle blossom and grow to
include three times more people than before. Mind, body and
spirit became the new mantra of holistic living. If something
is good for your mind, body and spirit, then it is, by
definition, good for the whole you.


The New Awareness today focuses upon gaining inner knowing
through self-realization and self-development. It fosters
spiritual self-reliance without the imposition of standards or
duties by an external authority. With the New Awareness, your
true, inner self is your authority. Your sense of
responsibility becomes powered by love rather than fear. You do
no harm to others because you love your fellow human beings,
not because you fear judgment and punishment. Your spiritual
awareness grows into spiritual adulthood. You no longer need to
be told what to do, how to think, or what your place in life
'should' be.


Each person's inner self is cultivated and treasured for its
uniqueness. There is always potential for self-improvement,
always potential for creating a better life. Along with inner
development, comes a clearer sense of intuition or insight.
Suddenly, with better insight, a person's options in life
become crystal clear. With insight, you easily identify the
best course of action to successfully meet any challenge.


With insight, also comes synchronicity. Life begins to fold
around your envisioned plan of action, supporting it by
providing opportunities and resources just when they are needed
the most.



'Quality of life' is the new standard replacing the old
'standard of living.' Wellbeing of the whole self is paramount.
Helping other people, being of real service to the world, is a
natural desire which unfolds as your sense of inner connection
strengthens.



Your self-esteem is boosted and healed in the knowledge that
every person has a unique gift to offer the world, the
knowledge that you're going to deliver that gift, and that
you're going to love doing it!


*If you enjoyed today's article, forward it to a friend!
They will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
This article was written by Owen Waters,
author of  "The Shift: The Revolution in Human Consciousness"

Available in hardcover or via immediate download at:  http://www.infinitebeing.com/theshift

I try to be as much aware of myself and others as I can be, this often requires honesty and acceptance, tolerance kicks in at some stage sooner or later. I'm a 40 year old educator who has had the opportunity to rebuild life in the direction I want it to go ... a stormy 10 year marriage when I was young kinda derailed my orginal plans for my life - but hey, it happens all the time doesn't it? Its the re-structuring thereafter that can be a bitch.

I measure my life by milestones, instead of the calendar. 10 years trying to realize the 'potenial' in my marriage ended, leading me into another 10 years of single parenthood, night-school, crappy jobs and determination. Now I'm deep into another cycle - redesigning my future. I'm stronger and more certain of many things now that experience has made itself known. I like to think that I'm a better person for having experienced and survived the things I have, but I also know it has left me with issues of trust and other insecurities. We know Life aint fair. The bottom line is that I want to make a difference in people's lives, but in order to do that I've got to do the same for myself, which means there are times I gotta fight for what is needful and sometimes I simply have to wait with what patience I can muster. I'm not a patient woman.

So lets move onward ...

by Heide Goettner-Abendroth:


The subject of matriarchy has a long tradition in the German-speaking region of Europe (Switzerland, Austria, Germany), which began in 1861 with the work of J. J. Bachofen.

As a philosopher trained in the logic of interpretation (the topic of my Ph.D. dissertation), I realized that a complete definition of matriarchy had not been done, especially from a nonpatriarchal viewpoint. Such a definition is necessary as a scientific tool in order to provide a clear foundation for revisioning the history of humankind.

I insist on using the controversial term matriarchy instead of other words such as gylanic or matristic because I think that female researchers should use the strongest and most provocative words for their task; it helps to prevent their work from being ignored.

(For further discussion on the use of the term matriarchy, see my dialogue with Joan Marler in the winter 1998 issue of ReVision, vol. 20, 110. 3.)

In my view, nonpatriarchal societies were the norm for most of human history, and extant matriarchal societies are the most accessible examples. Excellent interdisciplinary research is already available but we still lack the complete world history (or herstory) of nonpatriarchal societies.

The articulation of a universal theory of matriarchy is the aim of my present work.

The following is a brief sketch of the structural definition of a matriarchal society, which is the core of my theory of matriarchy. This overview is not offered as a deductive axiom, although it is presented here in a concentrated, abstract way.

This cross cultural research covers India, Eastern Asia, Indonesia, the Pacific Islands, South/Central and North America, and Africa. A detailed discussion of my theory of matriarchal societies is published in the multivolume work, "Das Matriarchat" (1988, 1991, 1995, 2000, and forthcoming).

A brief, structural definition of matriarchy includes criteria on four levels:

economic

social

political

cultural



Economic Level:

Societies of Reciprocity

Matriarchies are most often agricultural societies in which women have control of the means of production. The technologies of agriculture developed from simple gardening (horticulture) to field agriculture with the plow, which further led to the large irrigation systems of the earliest urban cultures.

In matriarchal societies, goods are distributed according to an egalitarian system that is identical with the lines of kinship and the patterns of marriage.

From a political point of view, these are societies with perfect mutuality, where principles of equality are consciously maintained. The advantages and disadvantages concerning the acquisition of goods are adjusted by social rules.

If wealth begins to accumulate in certain areas of the society, rituals of redistribution take place.

For example, a village festival will be organized in which wealthy clans are obliged to distribute their riches to all inhabitants of the village. For this they gain great honor.

On the economic level, matriarchies are societies of reciprocity.



Social Level:

Societies of Kinship

On the social level, people live together in clans that are formed according to the principle of matrilinearity in which kinship, clan names, social positions, and political titles are passed on through the female line.

A matriclan consists of at least of three generations of women:

the clan-mother,

her daughters, and

granddaughters and

and the men who are directly related:

the brothers of the mother,

her sons, and

grandsons.



Generally, the matriclan lives in one big clan house, which often holds from ten to more than eighty persons, depending on its size and architectural style.

The women live permanently in the clan house of their mothers, since they are not required to move to the homes of their husbands. This is called matrilocality.

Women control the sources of nourishment and have the power of disposition over the goods of the clan, which ensures their strong social position. This distinguishes a matriarchal society from one that is only matrilineal.

The distinction between matrilineal and matriarchal societies has never been made in anthropology/ ethnology. A fact that has caused a great deal of confusion.

The matriclans are self-supporting groups and are connected to other clans by patterns of marriage. Most common is the system of mutual marriage between two clans within the same village, which leads to communal matrimony. For example, young men from clan-house A marry young women from clan-house B, and vice versa. In this way, everyone becomes related to everyone else by birth or by marriage. Therefore matriarchies are societies of kinship.

After marriage, the young men temporarily leaves the house of his mother, but does not have to go very far. In the evening he goes to the neighboring house where his wife lives, and he returns at dawn. This form of marriage is called visiting marriage, and is restricted to the night. The matriarchal man has no right to live in the house of his wife. The home of the matriarchal man is the clan-house of his mother, where he has rights and duties. There he is expected to do agricultural and other work and to take part in the decisions of the clan.

In this system, biological fatherhood has no social relevance. A matriarchal man never regards the children of his wife as his children, because they do not share his clan name.

Instead, a matriarchal man is closely related to the children of his sister, his nieces and nephews, who have the same clan-name as he. He devotes his care for their upbringing as a form of social fatherhood.





Political Level:

Societies of Consensus

The process of making political decisions is organized along the lines of matriarchal kinship. In the clan-house, women and men meet in a council that discusses domestic matters.

No member of the household is excluded.

After thorough discussion, a decision is reached by mutual agreement. The same is true for the entire village:

Delegates from every clan-house meet in the village council when matters concerning the whole village must be discussed. The council may consist of the oldest women of the clans (the matriarchs) or the brothers and sons they have chosen.

No decision concerning the whole village can he made without the consensus or every clan house. The delegates who discuss the matter are not the ones who make the decision, since the delegates function only as hearers of communication.

If all clan-houses do not yet agree, the delegates must return home to discuss the matter further. In this way, consensus is reached in the whole village, step by step.

The same is true for the entire region. Matriarchal people living in a larger region make decisions in the same way. Delegates from all villages meet to communicate the decisions made by their communities. Men are elected for the tasks as delegates, because the women do not usually leave their clan's house and land.

Ethnologists have often assumed incorrectly that males are the primary decision makers. Instead, all clan-houses in every village are involved in the process of decision making until consensus is reached on the regional level.

Therefore, from the political point of view, I call matriarchies societies of consensus.

This pattern of consensus does not allow the accumulation of political power!

In exactly this sense, the people are free from domination. They have no class of rulers and no class of suppressed people who must be controlled.



Cultural Level:

Sacral Societies

On the cultural level, matriarchal societies have a complex religious system that must not be characterized as a "fertility cult".

The fundamental concept expressed in myths, rituals, and spiritual customs is the concrete belief in rebirth. Every person knows that after death she or he will be reborn as a child into the same clan. Women in matriarchal societies are greatly respected for their ability to give birth to the ancestors and to renew the life of the clan.

This concept is the basis of the matriarchal view of life, which honors the cycles of growth, death, and the return of life within the cycles of nature. The Earth is venerated as the Great Mother who grants rebirth and nurtures all.

The cosmos is perceived as the Great Goddess of Heaven and all Creation. It is she who gives birth to the stars in the east and allows them to move over the sky (her celestial body) until they return to her in the west through her power of death.

A good example of this concept of the cosmos is the Egyptian Nut, the Goddess of Heaven. She gives birth to her son Re, the sun, every morning and devours him every evening, only to give birth to him again at the next sunrise. All celestial bodies rise, set, and return in this same way each day and night.

Human existence follows the same rules and is not separate from the cycles of nature. The matriarchal concept of the human and natural worlds lacks the dualistic, patriarchal way of thinking that separates "nature" from "culture." Furthermore, it lacks the dualistic concept of morality that defines what is "good" and splits off what is "evil."

From the matriarchal perspective, life brings forth death, and death brings forth life again in its own time.

The opposition of "good" and "evil" makes no sense. In the same way, the female and the male are a cosmic polarity. It would never occur to matriarchal people to regard one sex as inferior to or weaker than the other, as is common in patriarchal societies.

In that nondualistic view of the world, no principal distinction is made between time profane and the sacred. The entire world is divine and therefore sacred to the people.

They respect and venerate all of nature as holy and would never exploit or destroy it.

Every house is also sacred and has its holy hearth in a place where the living people and the ancestors meet. Each everyday task and common gesture has a symbolic meaning; every action is ritualized.

Therefore, on the cultural level, I call matriarchies sacral societies, and cultures of the Goddess.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.