Signing On The Dotted Line
Making A Contract With Yourself
Making A Contract With Yourself
Our decisions in life, what we change about ourselves and how we choose to react, are no one's responsibility but our own. But because the mind often rebels against what we know in our souls to be positive changes, putting a plan of improvement or action can be difficult. One very useful tool to help bring about change is to make a contract with yourself. A self contract, like any contract, is a formal written commitment and can be drafted for an infinite number of reasons. It is a contract between you and yourself that can act as a guide, a motivator, a means to enact self-improvement, or a way of making peace with yourself. You choose an aspect of your life you would like to focus on and then lay out in clear language what you want to do, how you will do it, and if you wish, a timetable.
Be honest and make sure your contract reflects attainable goals. A contract that you cannot bring yourself to follow isn't going to be very helpful. In writing your contract, specify why you have created the contract, your responsibilities and the results you expect, what reward you will give yourself (if appropriate), and the individual steps you will take. Date and sign it, alone or in the presence of a witness. If it helps, you can make a ceremony out of signing your contract.
Some situations in which you might want to enter into a contract with yourself may include changing a behavior or working through a personal issue. Reading the contract daily can help you remain committed to the guidelines you have laid out for yourself. Abiding by the contract shows that you take your commitment seriously and will treat yourself with the honesty and respect you deserve.
Be honest and make sure your contract reflects attainable goals. A contract that you cannot bring yourself to follow isn't going to be very helpful. In writing your contract, specify why you have created the contract, your responsibilities and the results you expect, what reward you will give yourself (if appropriate), and the individual steps you will take. Date and sign it, alone or in the presence of a witness. If it helps, you can make a ceremony out of signing your contract.
Some situations in which you might want to enter into a contract with yourself may include changing a behavior or working through a personal issue. Reading the contract daily can help you remain committed to the guidelines you have laid out for yourself. Abiding by the contract shows that you take your commitment seriously and will treat yourself with the honesty and respect you deserve.
Well it seems that after another few days of phone calls and legal consultations, he has decided to take the fight to her as it were. This apparently gives him hope that the law will reinforce its orders this time and hold her accountable for her contempt of the law. I know this is important to him ... clearing ones name and honour are always important, nevermind the chance to see his children, so I can't nay say him and tell him not to do this.
I selfishly look at this and see a future with 2 children who are likely to fear or dislike me just because I know N will not like me ... I see having to deal with these damaged kids in a family setting, a distressing future. I work with special needs individuals, some who have been damaged by their 'loving' family - I know the challenges ahead of me.
I have to remind myself that the future comes with a cost and everyone comes with baggage ...
***
On another note ... I found this and liked it:
I selfishly look at this and see a future with 2 children who are likely to fear or dislike me just because I know N will not like me ... I see having to deal with these damaged kids in a family setting, a distressing future. I work with special needs individuals, some who have been damaged by their 'loving' family - I know the challenges ahead of me.
I have to remind myself that the future comes with a cost and everyone comes with baggage ...
***
On another note ... I found this and liked it:
We've been talking a lot lately about which road to take ... keep the flag flying and end up bankrupt by trying to pay 2 lawyers, a spiteful wife and child psychologists to repair the damage done by said spiteful wife in hopes of seeing the children again - its been 3 years since the last visit (despite all efforts to the contrary); or swallow the bitter pill of never seeing the children again or the spiteful wife, and just file for a divorce and a future. I don't relish P the final decision he has to make.
I think walking away is the better choice, even though the heartache of giving up is going to be unbelievably bitter ... could I do it? I don't know. N is so full if hatred that she has vowed to make him pay for as long as he lives, how do you contend with that? How do you raise your children with any semblence of normalcy when every hug or time-out is called into consideration .... how can you be a loving parent when someone is just waiting for you to make a mistake? Its gotta be so damn hard.
I despise women like her ... she wants nothing to do with P, but swears if he divorces her she'll take everything she can, including any future pensions & plans ... why? Her response in court is "because I can". I'll be honest and say outright ... I don't want her in my future. I don't want her greed and hatred taking my childs college fund. I don't want her spite to stand in the way of our future - at 40 years young, I've already gotten the boots from Life a time or two, I've been pushed down and walked on in Life and I think I've earned and deserve the chance to be happy.
I think walking away is the better choice, even though the heartache of giving up is going to be unbelievably bitter ... could I do it? I don't know. N is so full if hatred that she has vowed to make him pay for as long as he lives, how do you contend with that? How do you raise your children with any semblence of normalcy when every hug or time-out is called into consideration .... how can you be a loving parent when someone is just waiting for you to make a mistake? Its gotta be so damn hard.
I despise women like her ... she wants nothing to do with P, but swears if he divorces her she'll take everything she can, including any future pensions & plans ... why? Her response in court is "because I can". I'll be honest and say outright ... I don't want her in my future. I don't want her greed and hatred taking my childs college fund. I don't want her spite to stand in the way of our future - at 40 years young, I've already gotten the boots from Life a time or two, I've been pushed down and walked on in Life and I think I've earned and deserve the chance to be happy.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have winced but not cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloodied but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years,
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
by William Earnest Henley
I've wept more in the last couple of weeks then as many years ... I feel as though I am being scrubbed to the bone in every way. I want to push back.
Feeling physically unwell lately with headaches and dizziness. Some of it is seasonal - weather shifts can merit a low grade migraine that lasts for days, some of it is stress and I need more exercise. I want to try yoga and thai chi, I think these might do me a bit of good and its a transferable skill that I could use at work - teaching children how to take care of themselves is a good idea in my books.
Anyways, I gotta sleep
... keep smilin'
![]()
Feeling physically unwell lately with headaches and dizziness. Some of it is seasonal - weather shifts can merit a low grade migraine that lasts for days, some of it is stress and I need more exercise. I want to try yoga and thai chi, I think these might do me a bit of good and its a transferable skill that I could use at work - teaching children how to take care of themselves is a good idea in my books.
Anyways, I gotta sleep
... keep smilin'
